Stay True, Stay True

I once got on a plane and started to read Let the Great World Spin. I read a couple pages once I was in my seat, while other passengers boarded and tucked luggage into overhead compartments and I read until the plane began to taxi, at which point I put the book in my lap and did what I always do when the plane takes off.

I closed my eyes, took a deep breath and said a quick prayer for a safe flight.

I'm not religious and I don't beseech God, and it's less of a prayer as it is a statement: "This flight will be smooth." I repeat it a few times. And then I keep my eyes closed for a bit, until that initial feeling of lift has passed out of my chest and then I open my eyes and return to reading or looking out the window or fiddling with my iPod or whatever. This particular flight I pulled out a pen and jotted in the back of the book, "Which superstitions keep us in the air?" It seemed like a fitting question to ask, both about the book and the flight.

We all do it. Airplane flights seem like a particular place for it: we say little prayers, or we wear the correct socks or we follow whatever ritual it is that we've told ourselves is necessary to ensure the plane will stay in the air. We do it for flights and our favorite sports teams and before exams. I will be safe. My team will win. I know the answers. We repeat. For a little while our heart beats, we take breaths and believe our flimsy will can shape the universe. Let this be true.

Maybe some of us do it before we write, or after we've printed out a copy for edits.

Sometimes it is a conscious decision and often its not. Sometimes on Sunday nights it will occur to me that I've been silently instructing the upcoming week to be good. Be a good week. This will be a good week. I'm often disappointed by how little this seems to influence the direction of, say, Wednesday, but it won't really matter come the following Sunday night. Because the flight stays in the air. We have a great dinner with loved ones. The score of the game comes out the way we hope. We pass the test. Whose to say it didn't work?

I found these notes at the library. I don't know who wrote them, or why. Except that I know the world can be an overwhelming place. The universe can seem to be without order or control. Or least, without an order or control that is easily or always understood. I guess sometimes it's necessary to go into a quiet beautiful place (like a library) and write down a few mantras on paper. It might be necessary to see the words you want most to be true in the world be true on paper. Whether or not it matters much to the world, I can see how it matters.

Comments

[Lauren]

yipes. this is inspired.

[Rach]

loved this. you're such a gorgeous writer! hope the transition to minneapolis has been smooth.